2 happy things

1. My boss called in today, inviting me to a training in Scotland for a day....but I guess I will stay for a week!

2. University of St. Gallen accepted me as an exchange student in this Fall semester !!

Yayyyyy

a new girlfriend

Well, no shame, it is my mom.

I didn't know when, where, how it started. Before I knew it, my mom started talking about her work, her husband (ok, my dad), her personal finance, her colleagues, her ups and downs and etc. Since we are far apart, I know she's missing an important piece in her life, someone whom can talk to about problems and frustration. We used to look into each other eyes and told about nothing but the truth. We shared different views from the age we're in. We listened and respected each other opinions. I assumed that no mom is as modern as my mom. Not the way she dresses (she looks like other moms in her early 5o's), but the way she expressed her opinions to different issues.

I am the only best friend she has. And it's so difficult to get connected. She tried to Skype with me, but our computer was too old to function properly. She often forgot the time difference and always rang me at 1.30 a.m. Yesterday she called and asked how I was (..of course, sleepy). So I asked how she was. She didn't say. I just dug all the possible frustrations she may have in mind and finally she told me. We both are sensitive ladies - full of emotions and can be full of tears. In her problem, I can't put on a rational hat because it is not about fixing a car. Giving her advice in a Buddhism-oriented way is a bit old fashion...so I advised her how I dealt with the world I am here. I've become neutral (like Switzerland..haha) and detached. I go for happiness and let go the painful past ( because it's a sunk cost). And I am always here for her though we're so far away...

Looking back, I asked myself how come I didn't feel annoyed about dealing with mom anymore. I guess when you're (a bit) older, you start to see yourself in mom. And you know immediately, that person needs someone to care for her...and that 'someone' is you.

Anyhow, mama...I love you..

(so cliche..spice girls)

Quality time VS Maximizing time

Marketers want to give personalized service to customers in order to increase satisfaction and brand loyalty. But they have to make a decision whether they can afford to have a lower number of customers served per staff per day. Why do they wanna do that if their short term objective is to make ends meet?


A boyfriend who now lives in different Canton promised to see his girlfriend in a few weeks. But when he arrived, he spent most of his time with his hometown pals...She was upset and threatened to break up with him. Why did he say he wanted to meet her?


A sweet friend who lived in different town often sent you a postcard, texted you, left you a message on Facebook, commented you on the digital photo albums, did everything to make you feel like you were still at home. But when you visited her in town, she didn't even have time for you, or listened to what you had to say. Why did you fly back home?


A dad promised a son to be with him on Saturday. But all day, though staying with his son in the same living room, the dad had his laptop on, spoke all day on the phone, only nodded and smiled when his son tried to get the dad's attention. Why did the dad promise the son that he would be with him all day?


At the family gathering, it is nice to update to family members how things are with you. The rich brother kept bragging about his exciting job, new cars, beautiful wife, smart kids, his expensive hobbies, his latest achievement at the golf club and etc. etc. The low-profile brother listened and still listened and wondered if his rich brother even cared to ask how he was..


A 17-year-old teenager may feel disgusted to chaperon his/her mom on a date with her new boyfriend. She wanted to reminisce a good old day with her long lost child while enjoy herself with her date. The child rolled his/her eyes and wondered when s/he could run away from the scene.


Mr. Big from Sex and the City invited Carrie to date for the first time. On their very first date, there it was - another friend of his who was desperate from the second divorce sitting at the same table, on their very first date. As New Yorker gal as she was, Carrie left him to enjoy the guy talk.


The question is, "Have you been treated like shit by your loved one lately?"

something is missing

I am not saying I am homesick. I didn't develop any strong feelings towards anything particularly. But when I was in the Media in China class, a special seminar given by a Chinese professor, I was kinda jealous of Chinese girls. And especially the Olympic 2008 clips that reflect the theme of national pride and another one of the bonding of friendship and an elementary school teacher almost made me cry. I just remember similar feelings and values back home that I don't see so obviously here.

I know I have been so normal for the past 7 months. I try to learn the languages, try to blend in with European friends, try to appreciate the differences of opinions etc etc. But somehow I feel that I have hid something. I have not been so myself.....

I know when I was with my friends in Thailand, I behaved differently - I talked more, shared more, laughed more, and made more jokes.

Here, I am more quiet, less open myself to others, more neutral, avoiding confrontation. I speak about myself, but double guess if the other persons really wanna hear about me. I say what they wanna hear or expect some sorts of 'exotic' side about Asian (? ).

I know I was a city person - I wore high heel shoes, tight jeans, small tops, and make-up. I hoped to clubs. I drank Starbucks. I used credit cards and I bought stuff to pleasure myself.

Here, I wore sneakers, bigger jeans, giant ski jackets, am too lazy to apply make-up. I can't spend so much. I spend more time at Migros to buy food and drink to compensate for time to spend on clothes shopping. I have nothing to pleasure myself.

Back home, I spoke more than 16 hours a day. Here, I spoke not even 10 hours. I prefer to spend time interacting with friends, but here I spend time online because I have nothing to do (maybe study?).

I am quite upset. I don't have interesting life anymore. No more actions, no more thought provoking (except sometimes from the class) and most importantly low satisfaction about who I am, my existence, my way of life.

I love quality of life here. But what seems to be missing may be the interaction from the other beings.

Spring is here

I hibernated during winter. I am not used to bitter cold and loneliness so much. I love hot air, spaghetti strip top, gelato (imagine Italian yogurt ice-cream) and big sunglasses.

Lugano is, I believe, the first town that experience Spring. It was not a sudden change. But if you live by the hill full of trees like I do, you will start to see new leaves coming out from the dry branches. My uncut grass is full of little daisies here and there. It is sunny during the day, but you still can see white snow on top of the mountains.

Spring is the beginning of new life. As if people walk out of their cave, and think it's time to get a life. Ferries and boats begin to operate for tourists again. The giant heater-installed plastic cover of the tennis courts is folded back. You can chill out in Lido by the lake, pretending that you're in a posh bar by the beach. Also, you can use a cable car up to the mountains.

I am throwing a bar-b-q lunch this Sunday and can't wait for the strong sun, smell of grilled meat, laughs, sunglasses and beer. I can't wait for more things to come..

Love hurts

Recently I have been in a trauma. I experienced a distance from one of my closest friends. That was because of myself. I hurt her. And the knowing that I hurt her had hurt me and the distance topped it all up.

Back to school (when you were 10ish years old), I had a tendency of label things to myself as well as people I love. This is my friend - so she is mine. This is a guy I had a crush on - so don't even think about it. And so on. Things became so painful when the other parties did not think the same way like you do. You have put so much efforts to possess, but in return, the efforts have gone down the drain - you don't actually have anything.

In Buddha's teaching, loving is suffering. My interpretation is love is not a simple feeling, but a complex one. There are possession, jealousy, hope, trust, caring, sharing, etc. Both negative and positive elements are part of love. But I never ever practice "to love is to expect nothing in return". I always expect things - love, caring, good feelings, togetherness, etc. in return.

What if whatever good things you have done have never been recognized, appreciated, or even noticed? What would do you? Will you yell to make yourself heard, feel belittle, or ruin the other person life? What is the best way to go? What if s/he never realizes how you feel at all if you don't say what you want out loud?

Love is not simple. I played different scenarios in my head. I care about her. But I also have my standpoint. I know people make mistakes and want to take things back. I wish I could turn back time. I wish there would be no other factors to make today happened.

Slowly, I learned....I am letting go. I am still giving love. And I expect nothing in return.