Gongxi Facai

Don't know how to write the pinyin correctly anymore. So I'd like to apologize for that!

**My dad's graduation was on last Friday and we did lots of photos taking. I just realized that the reason he took Law 4 years ago because he wanted to help me out on the studies if I happened to study law. Fortunately I got my first choice, Arts. So, here we are...we graduated almost about the same time! (His is 1 yr late)

**My dad's sister celebrated his success on the CNY on Saturday. We went dining in a famous restaurant in Meng Jai. I ate toooo much and now it's still so painful in my tummy.

**My faculty's year book arrived on some weekend. Thin but nice, full of good memories and those faces of friends worth remembering. Next to my photo, written, "Being a president of AIESEC Chulalongkorn in year 2003, from then on I became a part-time student. Hahaha.." I don't think anyone remember anything else about me but AIESEC. I started recruiting friends from my faculty and forced them to present at the First Meeting event, so that it would look more fun and lively. You know how competitive it was (and is) against other clubs to introduce the concept of "changing the world (and yourself)" while others were with fun and cute faces of senior students..(hehe..). It was a tough time indeed. Without friends as an emotional support, I would not be as strong as today. Without a bf, I wouldn't be completed...hehehe..

Anyway, Happy Chinese New Year~ May the dogs be with youuuu~

Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

Truthfully, I'm not saying sorry if I don't mean it.

I've become like this after I graduated. "Sorry" means so much in the business. It means it was your fault and you gotta pay. I always am careful for what I'm saying to the media. They act like God, but we have our own boundary. When I say, "It's impossible. I can't do this." when I am in the university or AIESEC, I would have added, "sorry" 'coz I didn't want them to feel that bad. But now I avoid saying it 'coz it's not the word to calm people down anymore. It prompts the ego of the other person 'coz they know they are on the higher ladder.

I just did something bad recently.

I intruded a friend's privacy. I thought we were close enough. But the fact is that we are in the different genders and I'm treating him like a girlfriend of mine. I said whatever I wanted to say. I said something cynical and hurtful and laughed. And hoped he would laugh with me. Often time, he didn't laugh a long. I explained the reasons of a 'bad jike' we enjoyed to say in Thailand. He said I was bullshitting who blamed it on the culture.

I wish I could take back whatever I said...what I can do is to say sorry. Genuinely sorry. You can guess what happened later...

He didn't forgive me. He blamed it on my fault that I made him feel so bad. I was fine with that. People need some time to release their stress caused by the other person (which was me) by blaming and seeing the person feel guilty. Truthfully I was sorry for what I said and I know I would feel the same if someone (like me) said such a thing.

But then he started accusing me for what I am not -- like, you must enjoy pissing off people. It was sure a 'silly drama' that I can't accept that...then he reached my boundary. If he could do, he would make me feel the worst of the worst in the world. That was it. I am NOT gonna let him or anyone in the world make me feel so bad for the thing I didn't do.

We stopped now...for a moment...or forever.

He proposed me!

Guess what?!

I bloodly GOT IT!!

I recieved the phone call ytd as promised. Glad to hear his voice and all and those sweet words pouring out from his lips that he welcomed me to his (company's) life.

Told you this was my doggy year..!

But after awhile...I started to feel fear unexpectedly. After I said "I do", then life will be completely changed. I'll be in a more dynamic & more pressure environment. I wish I just walked out from AIESEC with the feet burning with fire of passion and enthuasism. I'm not saying that I'm used to this laid back environment with smiley countryside people and sabai-sabai attitude here. I still have my own high standard and goals for the future and I still am ENTJ. But I don't know...it is just that...a new place, new adjustment, new people, new systems, new circle of trust, new me (who have to be more mature) and all new things.

Then I have ask myself again why I gotta go there. What are all the reasons with me to be there? Will my life be better in the next 3 yrs (such a long commitment!)? What are the opportunities? etc. etc.

I know it sounds like they should be the questions before I go to the interview, not for the last minute I choose not to go...I felt that I lost some inspiration and passion somewhere along the way. I need to gain them somehow. I need to talk to my mentor.

Ciao!

A left-hand ring & an unexpected embarrassment

Ytd, me and a friend (with a super MNC as her title) went to the European Young Professionals Networking. No, it wasn't that serious kind of the business get-together that I used to be around during the AIESEC good old days. It was more like a blind date get-together to me (Ouch!). There were zillions of cute-face young men and wemen who are expats in Thailand chatting with a glass of wine or beer in their hand, in this cozy high-class pub.

Some time in the night, we were in the circle of this good-looking young men. It seemed that one of these hunks was really into my friend. So, I was kinda hanging around there and had nothing to do, but bored stiff. Then, I just looked at them and found the ring on their left hand. Ah-ham...sneaking out from home eh? Actually, they didn't care much about my friends and enjoyed their own company more. As time went by, I realized one of the guys was gay as he got too drunk and acted too much jolly to be a chauvinist. Just my funny thought, maybe the left-hand ring is just a symbol to give a sign that they're the same gender.

The night should ended nicely since we had no more expectations towards one another, but a true & fun friendship. There was another guy walked toward me and asked if I remembered him. Frankly, I reconized people's face, no matter which ethnic they are. I seriously couldn't remeber him. We must have known each other in some networking or he was even an AIESEC friend. Seriously I couldn't remember when I met him. He said this and that and so on so forth...until I realized, he was the MD of the company I had an interview with. He laughed and hoped I enjoyed the evening. My friend was teasing unknowingly that Farang attracted to me.

Wot a nite!

Happy New Year 2006!

2006 is a dog year. Some fortune teller claimed that those who have truthfulness will survive and succeed this year.

I started the year by being so frank and sincere and wishfully I will be secured from failure.

I told the company I applied for when he asked me for my 5-year plan that,

"I think I would apply for master's degree in the 3-year time."

Some (who claimed to be an expert of job interview or an HR wannabe) banged her head and angishedly answered, "You just closed your opportunity to get that job! Who is going to hire you when you only gonna be there for only a few year!! When they invest so much $ money on you sending abroad for trainings and all. etc. etc. etc."

A dog like me just listened and tried very hard to swollow and digested whatever this person said and just thought...well...it should be really my year..