Clubbing

When it comes to clubbing, I am the (introvert) fuzziest person in the entire planet. It satisfies me most when the club has the nice environment (good decorations, clean or not doesn't matter because the club is full of junks or smokers anyway), good drink, (preferably with relatively fair price, mostly not), good music (not house, not techno, not disco), good companions (those who dance, those who laugh, those who think they are sexy :-). Sometimes it doesn't matter how the other factors are, when you have great companions, they will surpass all!.

I really like the feelings being in the dark place, full of crowds, dancing along the music while holding a little sexy glass in my hand.

Having searching the list of 'good' clubs in the back of my head, I have to say it's like finding an oasis in the desert! I remembered sometimes I felt really bored. Sometimes I cursed myself for paying for the huge entrance fee for not dancing. Sometimes I wanted call an end but felt bad for leaving boring companions.

The best clubbing of all as far as I remembered was the parties at IC from AIESEC and when I put the iPod on and dance in my own apartment!

Eating crisis

Eating is a crucial ritual from where I came from. Wherever we are, it is a must to have a proper meal. Sandwiches, pannini, pizzas, hot dogs are not considered proper meals. They are only snacks. Proper meals are those with rice, with pasta, or with noodles. The taste must be delicious. If it's not, it is wise to find other alternatives to fulfill these criteria. Then we can end the ritual of the day.

For the past 12 months that I am here, I spent the major time searching recipes online, checking out supermarkets (both local & Asian) near and far, and experimenting new recipes in my own kitchen.

Now it became routine. I know exactly which shelfs I'm going to. Freezers for seafood. Discounted prices meat. Rice and pasta. Chilly, mushrooms and veggies. Oil and instant noodles. Cola.

In Asian shop, soy sauce, oyster sauce, grass noodle, some Asian veggies, coconut milk, some instant pastes. I try experiment new tastes like gimchi, wasabi, Korean's bbq sauce.

And where to skip, Cheese, yoghurt, and milk. Frozen pizza and lasagna. I'm just not a big fan.

And what happened now?
I'm sooooo bored of my routines. Friends who visited me here all say I look skinny (or even skinnier). I can't remember how I got through the last winter with Asian food. I really need some changes or I will die of boredom.

I recently experimented mixing Quark + yoghurt + fruit for my past time dessert. I cooked very creamy Cabonara pasta (but it didn't taste right!). I ate instant lasagna (next probably pizza). I searched recipes for cupcakes and brownies.

I don't know..I feel that I'm just guessing how the tastes should be. But I have never made it right. So, I'm still bored with food I'm used to cook and frustrated with what to do with my foreign recipes..!

Love hurts

Recently I have been in a trauma. I experienced a distance from one of my closest friends. That was because of myself. I hurt her. And the knowing that I hurt her had hurt me and the distance topped it all up.

Back to school (when you were 10ish years old), I had a tendency of label things to myself as well as people I love. This is my friend - so she is mine. This is a guy I had a crush on - so don't even think about it. And so on. Things became so painful when the other parties did not think the same way like you do. You have put so much efforts to possess, but in return, the efforts have gone down the drain - you don't actually have anything.

In Buddha's teaching, loving is suffering. My interpretation is love is not a simple feeling, but a complex one. There are possession, jealousy, hope, trust, caring, sharing, etc. Both negative and positive elements are part of love. But I never ever practice "to love is to expect nothing in return". I always expect things - love, caring, good feelings, togetherness, etc. in return.

What if whatever good things you have done have never been recognized, appreciated, or even noticed? What would do you? Will you yell to make yourself heard, feel belittle, or ruin the other person life? What is the best way to go? What if s/he never realizes how you feel at all if you don't say what you want out loud?

Love is not simple. I played different scenarios in my head. I care about her. But I also have my standpoint. I know people make mistakes and want to take things back. I wish I could turn back time. I wish there would be no other factors to make today happened.

Slowly, I learned....I am letting go. I am still giving love. And I expect nothing in return.

My Fifth 19 photos

Your small cash is for the betterment of these handicapped dogs...

My fifth 19 photos

A surprising cake from my colleagues delivered by a good-looking Korean face guy...:-)

My fifth 19 on May 4, 2007!

Things started very simply. It happened 3 days before my birthday that I should do something special for myself. Instead of waiting for people (who tend not to remember) to call, sms, send message via the reminders (Hi5 or Tag etc) to wish me a happy forever & ever birthday, I should just tell them and invite them to my party! …Deep down, I wanted to turn back the clock to when I was young to feel the excitement of receiving the presents and feel like a princess again :-)

Here’s the invitation look like: -

Hiya!

I'm going to have a party for myself - I'm getting 19 again (for many years already!). As I haven't had my own party since my real 19, it's time to have one to enjoy with people I know and love! :-)

What's so special that you can't miss?!

apart from fulfilling my wish, you will see incredible networks I have in my life. You will meet new people - my university friends, AIESEC friends, colleagues, friends of friends, ex- of friends' friends etc. This can't happen without YOU!!!!

Let's meet at Indus, Sukhumvit 26.

http://www.indusbangkok.com/index.htm
http://www.kratookfilm.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1298
Let me know if you can make it. Thanks for coming and really, I can't wait to see you guys... :-)

Cheers,
Pauly/ Praew


Was sent out to 20ish people.

Along with SMS to follow up, a small chat via phone to nag them here etc (just like when inviting new members to AIESEC’s events :-P) I don’t care how far (distance/ level of relationship) we are now, but I remembered we once had a close relationship. Ultimately, what matters is I want all my friends to become friends and have fun bitching about me…

Before we flashback to my party, I’d like to officially thank Ofi (high school friend & LCP mate ’03-04) who dedicated his time & ex-OCP expertise in giving suggestion that made my party so well-planned and fabulous.

As theme, I chose the age of 19 to be my b-day this year. At that time, I was still a university student and just became a member of AIESEC. Kinda remembered vaguely that I was a bit innocent and up for any new things that came along. I was very open and positive. The year of making loads of new friends in AIESEC, having a circle of trust with uni best friends and the beginning of building my own learning curve through life…so, the theme was called ‘Do you remember when you were 19…?’

The party took place in a chic Indian restaurant, Indus. I am very fond of Indian food, so it’s kinda obligatory that you must like hot & exotic food too (that’s why ppl I expected to come didn’t show up..? sniff…) It’s a must to ask new friends that how they met me and their impression when they were 19. It was a long time ago for some of them that they couldn’t even remember….hehehe. It was absolutely fun to see my university friends started talking with my colleagues and ex-AIESECers to my best pal. Most important of all, I have raised fund for a charity for handicapped animals for close to 1,000 baht!

Here are some notes mentioned by the participants that my party was indeed cool, “Thank you so much for the party yesterday, really fun’n chic. HBD ja,” said Numfon, my MC teammate ’04-05 and today’s recruitment manager of an MNC.

Jay, my uni friend and a lecturer at a university in the North East of Thailand mentioned, “I give B+ to your party. I fancy Isaan food, I won’t exactly say I like Indian food at your party. The best part was an opportunity to meet new people. I wish I could ask for a phone number from someone, but she has a bf.”

Yes, I was the queen that night. Thanks you all for making this happened!

P.S.

Baby, thank you for the birthday card you made. It is so special. All my friends confirmed that no guys actually take time to sit down and make it. I really appreciate it and I overwhelmingly LOVE YOU! :-)

Reality Hits

After the fun trip in the blissful Bali for 2 weeks and I’m back to reality.

Construction of our new kitchen.
Jobless.
And completely lost.

We hired a man who works for building house in our area. It seems that he doesn’t have so much fund, so he always came by to advance the money from us. It does bother me and my mom. Moreover, we gotta go select the tiles and other utensils by ourselves. And it seems to me that this guy has no idea about taste and can’t really give us advice. Anyhow, luckily this place called Home Pro where you can select thousands of things about house and most importantly there’s free consultant available. We eventually succeeded in choosing tiles and see the fabulous look of our kitchen after the 8-hour straight of consultancy. We drove the guy crazy. (Hi 5 to mom!) Anyway, it is a bit exhausting for me to do everything for her when she went to work. There’s no proper transition of her inputs. From times to times, I have no idea what the construction workers talking about and I don’t know what my mom wants or have talked to them when I was in Bali. I was completely clueless. And she never picks up her cell phone.

Having no job makes me feel completely useless. I have longer time in the day and frustrated every moment. No friends to see (they’re all working). Difficult to get out of the house (no car for. FYI, I can’t drive.). I know I will be working this May. But when there’s no contract signed, then it’s so difficult to predict the future. Even my fortune teller can’t tell! Fortunately, I am like Pascal in Reflet (The French book I’m studying.), je donne des cours de grammaire a les eleves. There are more than enough students to teach. I can’t believe that there’re lots of Thai students who will be going through IGCSE ESL (English as Second Language) exams this May. God bless them. And yea, I will survive in the next 2 months.

That’s the update for now.

On the roller coaster..

The marriage was broken off...I hope you know what I meant. In fact the guy in Singapore found another person within its company to work in Thailand's office. Therefore, since I hadn't signed the employment contract, the verbal commitment was eventually cancelled.

That was for some while ago...

Fortunately, I'm secured with another position in another company that I am more interested in and I find my passion and more enthusiasm there and I really can't wait to be part of the team. Yet, we haven't signed the contract.

But the thing is I'll finish my employment with this resort this Friday, but I am appointed to work on mid of May. Basically I will be jobless for 2 months and some weeks. Oi!

Anyway, it is a good idea though in the bright side. I have a work break 2 months to do whatever I want. Zillons things came to my mind, even working part-time at Starbuck's or a writer for Free Magazine or taking up some massage course, etc, etc... :o)

I'll be off for Bali for the next 2 wks with my boyfriend...and yea..there should be lots of nomads' eXPerience to update!

Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

Truthfully, I'm not saying sorry if I don't mean it.

I've become like this after I graduated. "Sorry" means so much in the business. It means it was your fault and you gotta pay. I always am careful for what I'm saying to the media. They act like God, but we have our own boundary. When I say, "It's impossible. I can't do this." when I am in the university or AIESEC, I would have added, "sorry" 'coz I didn't want them to feel that bad. But now I avoid saying it 'coz it's not the word to calm people down anymore. It prompts the ego of the other person 'coz they know they are on the higher ladder.

I just did something bad recently.

I intruded a friend's privacy. I thought we were close enough. But the fact is that we are in the different genders and I'm treating him like a girlfriend of mine. I said whatever I wanted to say. I said something cynical and hurtful and laughed. And hoped he would laugh with me. Often time, he didn't laugh a long. I explained the reasons of a 'bad jike' we enjoyed to say in Thailand. He said I was bullshitting who blamed it on the culture.

I wish I could take back whatever I said...what I can do is to say sorry. Genuinely sorry. You can guess what happened later...

He didn't forgive me. He blamed it on my fault that I made him feel so bad. I was fine with that. People need some time to release their stress caused by the other person (which was me) by blaming and seeing the person feel guilty. Truthfully I was sorry for what I said and I know I would feel the same if someone (like me) said such a thing.

But then he started accusing me for what I am not -- like, you must enjoy pissing off people. It was sure a 'silly drama' that I can't accept that...then he reached my boundary. If he could do, he would make me feel the worst of the worst in the world. That was it. I am NOT gonna let him or anyone in the world make me feel so bad for the thing I didn't do.

We stopped now...for a moment...or forever.

He proposed me!

Guess what?!

I bloodly GOT IT!!

I recieved the phone call ytd as promised. Glad to hear his voice and all and those sweet words pouring out from his lips that he welcomed me to his (company's) life.

Told you this was my doggy year..!

But after awhile...I started to feel fear unexpectedly. After I said "I do", then life will be completely changed. I'll be in a more dynamic & more pressure environment. I wish I just walked out from AIESEC with the feet burning with fire of passion and enthuasism. I'm not saying that I'm used to this laid back environment with smiley countryside people and sabai-sabai attitude here. I still have my own high standard and goals for the future and I still am ENTJ. But I don't know...it is just that...a new place, new adjustment, new people, new systems, new circle of trust, new me (who have to be more mature) and all new things.

Then I have ask myself again why I gotta go there. What are all the reasons with me to be there? Will my life be better in the next 3 yrs (such a long commitment!)? What are the opportunities? etc. etc.

I know it sounds like they should be the questions before I go to the interview, not for the last minute I choose not to go...I felt that I lost some inspiration and passion somewhere along the way. I need to gain them somehow. I need to talk to my mentor.

Ciao!

A left-hand ring & an unexpected embarrassment

Ytd, me and a friend (with a super MNC as her title) went to the European Young Professionals Networking. No, it wasn't that serious kind of the business get-together that I used to be around during the AIESEC good old days. It was more like a blind date get-together to me (Ouch!). There were zillions of cute-face young men and wemen who are expats in Thailand chatting with a glass of wine or beer in their hand, in this cozy high-class pub.

Some time in the night, we were in the circle of this good-looking young men. It seemed that one of these hunks was really into my friend. So, I was kinda hanging around there and had nothing to do, but bored stiff. Then, I just looked at them and found the ring on their left hand. Ah-ham...sneaking out from home eh? Actually, they didn't care much about my friends and enjoyed their own company more. As time went by, I realized one of the guys was gay as he got too drunk and acted too much jolly to be a chauvinist. Just my funny thought, maybe the left-hand ring is just a symbol to give a sign that they're the same gender.

The night should ended nicely since we had no more expectations towards one another, but a true & fun friendship. There was another guy walked toward me and asked if I remembered him. Frankly, I reconized people's face, no matter which ethnic they are. I seriously couldn't remeber him. We must have known each other in some networking or he was even an AIESEC friend. Seriously I couldn't remember when I met him. He said this and that and so on so forth...until I realized, he was the MD of the company I had an interview with. He laughed and hoped I enjoyed the evening. My friend was teasing unknowingly that Farang attracted to me.

Wot a nite!

My BIG Day!

I found sms is somewhat similar to email. But the bad part is I can't spam the msg to everyone at the same time.

Graduation Group Photo is tomorrow, Sat 2 July 2005. See you at the Faculty of Arts! from 6 a.m. onwards. :0)

my first marriage

I have been working in marketing department in this resort since March 2005.

I made a lot of phone calls to people I love and respect for advices if I should quit or not. The reason I'm here 'coz I believe that I can work as much as I want and see the result fast. I was expecting the real dynamic and exciting working environment and some fun assignments. However, the reality is in the opposite. People here are quite slow and relaxed. The JD of mine wasn't clear. I was put in different departments and tried out something new for a short period of time and struck in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes I wasted my energy on something that my (acting) boss later decided not to go for it. I was quite exhausted and disappointed...

7 days ago, my direct boss arrived. She came with 3-year experience in marketing from one of the biggest cosmetic firms. She is young, smart, energetic, sweet and pretty and she was an AIESECer. All my senses was lured and blinded by her attractiveness...:0) She was willing to share her insights and quickly give me the assignment to satisfy my enthusiasm. She told me this was only her honeymoon period, but it seemed that people wanted to hunt her down! She felt overwhelmed with all the information and pressures...

I was given a very good advice recently: Learn to slow down your path. Life now is completely different from AIESEC's. I am quite convinced that it is. However, I never want to calm my fire and stay passive like others choose to be. I only have one life and there're so many things in this world that give me that chill.

Anyway, this is only my first marriage.

(But AIESEC is always my secret lover...)